As a parent, how do you discipline your child? Have you ever spanked your child? Most behavioral studies show that there are three approaches parents use to evoke desired behavior from their children. They are: positive or negative reinforcement, and punishment.
Positive reinforcement occurs when you offer a reward or praise that will increase the likelihood that your child will repeat a desired behavior. Negative reinforcement occurs when you elicit a behavior by taking away or avoiding an adverse event, such as having your child go to school earlier to avoid traffic he dislikes riding in. Punishment is the third type of approach. Although often confused with negative reinforcement, it actually involves inclusion of an adverse event in order to decrease or stop what you perceive to be a negative behavior, such as administering a spanking or timeout to stop your son from picking on your daughter.
Child experts generally agree that positive reinforcement is the most desirable of the three methods used to elicit positive behavior from children and reduce negative behavior.
Positive Reinforcement as Compared to Bribery?
Some parents mistakenly equate positive reinforcement and bribery. With bribery, you promise some sort of material reward in exchange for a behavior you want. This often involves negotiating or even begging your child to behave properly. This is different than giving your child verbal praise or encouragement, or rewarding them with some small token after they have achieved a certain goal.
Many times, parents steer clear from positive reinforcement because they think this might spoil their child. However, this is not at all true if the reward is given in response to positive behavior or a goal well attained by the child. In addition, these types of rewards do not need to be at all expensive. Especially for small children, small tokens like stickers provide a tangible reward for some long sought-after goal, such as potty training. Small children especially have a much easier time with difficult to obtain goals if they are given regular rewards along the way. In addition, nonmaterial rewards such as hugs, praise or genuine parental excitement for a job well done are also highly prized by the child.
When Should You Start Using Positive Reinforcement?
There is no correct time in which to start using positive reinforcement, but children learn to equate receipt of some type of reinforcement to their positive behavior after they have had several similar experiences. Certain good deeds that are reinforced at an early age become habit after a certain period of time.
As children grow up, their needs will grow and expand, as will your expectations. Therefore, the reinforcement may change, but the general principle of positive reinforcement remains the same. Positive reinforcement's success depends not just on the child, but on the adult who uses a particular method as his or her disciplinary approach.
If used successfully, positive reinforcement can help a child develop intrinsic motivation. This, of course, is the ultimate goal. Children learn to expect certain results from certain behavior.
How Do You Best Use Positive Reinforcement?
The best way to use positive reinforcement is to do the following:
First, select and define the behavior you want to strengthen. For instance, you can be clear about what you accept in your children's behavior at home. To best reinforce positive behavior, make sure that you clearly define what your children's progress should be by specifically defining the behavior you want your children to repeat. Do not give abstract directives such as, "Behave yourself when you are eating." Do provide clear, concise directions on "how" children should behave themselves, such as, "Sit still on your chair with your napkin in your lap, do not fidget or play with your food, and when you are finished, ask to be excused before you leave the table."
Second, choose what types of reinforcement you want to use. Reinforcements should be age-appropriate and should be something the child can understand and want. Since children have individual preferences, reinforcements should match children's individual characteristics. They should be age-appropriate enough that the child can actually earn them quite easily so as not to get discouraged. However, they should be difficult enough to earn that the child really does have to make an honest effort to behave in order to receive them. For example, stickers are very appropriate for preschool children, since they value these, while an extended weekend curfew is more appropriate to a teenager.
Third, consistency is the key; reinforcement should be provided without fail and with clear rules and expectations. Children should expect routine and should expect consequences for bad behavior, as well as rewards for good behavior. When a particular behavior is just being learned, immediate reinforcement is very important, so that children can expect clear feedback. As the behavior becomes more integrated, intermittent reinforcement is actually better, since this actually has been shown to strengthen the behavior rather than weaken it. Oftentimes, if children are rewarded for behavior consistently, they cease to perform that behavior unless they receive the reward. Therefore, intermittent and irregular reinforcement is best once a behavior has been learned. Once the behavior is fully established as habit, you can remove the tangible reinforcement altogether.
Fourth, praise and encourage as you reinforce. This helps motivate the child to continue; while praise can be good, be careful not to overpraise. This can actually be counterproductive, as the child learns to focus on an external authority rather than on his or her own internal sense of right and wrong. Encouragement, too, is useful if used when a child becomes discouraged, but again, the focus here is to develop a sense of internal control within the child.
You can best praise children by focusing on the good behavior. For example, saying, "That was very nice of you to help that lady carry her bag," helps the child understand that his efforts truly impact other people in a positive manner. Thus, not only do you acknowledge the childrens actions, but you show how they affect other people. This helps the child to start focusing outside of himself as to how actions have impact, in addition to how his actions affect just himself or his immediate family, such as siblings.
Praising Points
Many studies have shown that intermittent praise helps people focus on and keep their interest in activities. Too much or too little becomes ineffective, because it can reduce praise's value or make it too hard to come by. When you give praise, you should:
Do it immediately. Praise children if you can right after the good behavior occurs. This is also known as "catching children being good." Too often, disciplinary effort focuses on bad behavior and correcting it rather than good behavior and acknowledging it. By acknowledging good behavior, you reinforce it.
Be specific in your praise. Make note of exactly which behavior you like. For example, you could say, "John, that was very nice of you to play ball with Todd. Thank you." To avoid confusion, leave any wrong actions, such as minor spats, for another time. Simply put, the praise itself should be undiluted.
Be frequent with your praise. Although overpraising, as stated before, is not good because it actually discourages children from proper behavior in that they look for the reward every time, intermittent but relatively frequent praise is very good to help children both develop an internal sense of control and to know that what they are doing is good. As often as you can, catch your children doing something good. As children continue, they will develop these good behaviors as habit.
Be sincere with your praise. In addition, focus on actions as good or bad, and avoid labeling children as "bad." If a child politely asks for his toy back from his brother, say, "Thank you for doing that. It was very polite of you."
Vary your statements of praise. They should go with the situation in order to sound sincere. If you use the same statements of praise over and over again, children will pick up on this and will either see this phony or will cease to listen to it. In addition, the more you expand your vocabulary as you talk with your child, the more you help them expand their own as well. This also helps children develop an emotional vocabulary, so that if they are frustrated or upset, they can voice their feelings rather than act them out. This, in turn, will help them appropriately express themselves, as they get older.
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